Yeah, you really had to be there
Some things you just can't explain
It's just not the same
I guess you had to be there"
- Lorrie Morgan, "I Guess You Had To Be There"
Weight: 160
I've been debating for the last few days precisely how to blog about this race. But right there is where the trouble starts. Calling the Warrior Dash a race isn't accurate... it's an 'event' (and it's borderline a 'festival'). To sum up the whole experience would take miles of typing, and still not come close to conveying what it's really like. To truly enjoy it, to truly be in my shoes and understand... you'd have had to be there.
In short - Warrior Dash was more fun than a whore on dollar night.
That said, not all Warrior Dash courses are the same, and a HUGE part of my experience had to do with the great people who traveled and competed with me. The majority of my post-race soreness is in my abs, and I'm pretty sure it's from laughing so much, so hard, all day long. The day ultimately was filled with tons of inside jokes, male bonding, and general hilarity.
So... I'm just going to get right to the race! (But understand, it was only 1/12th of my time AT the Warrior Dash)
(pre-race... also the last known picture of the day without mud in someone's ears or nostrils)With 500 or so people lined up in the corral, we nervously twitched and pretended to stretch as they counted down for the start of the 1:30 wave (waves went off every half hour). There was no real way to loosen up for what we were about to do... from the small part of the course we could see from the bottom of the mountain, we knew this would be something totally new to us.
Side note: As a former Coloradan, I use the term 'mountain' loosely. It was being held at "Windham Mountain" ski resort... so for New York standards, the word fits. In Colorado, it might be a foothill.
At "GO!", flames shoot into the air from the scaffolding holding up the start banner. Think "Kane from WWE" style. And the corral starts to jog forward. No one really took off running, there was no point... immediately from the start, you were going the direction of 'up'. 'Running' up a ski trail, even a green trail, is not easy.
The total climb is estimated to be 800 vertical feet, and approximately the first 1.25 miles of the course. That averages out to about a 12-13% grade. BUT, that's just the average... there are times I know it was closer to 20%. Out of the 6,062 people who competed, I am estimating MAYBE a dozen or two actually did NOT walk at some point up this incline.
Me, I technically jogged to the first obstacle - 'Knee High Hell' (running through tires football player style). I say 'technically jogged' because I was technically not walking... it was just as slow as a walk. It was maybe a quarter mile to the obstacle, and the tires were a welcome break.
But my legs were too tired and throbbing, so I didn't really high step through them. I did more of a 'jog on top of the tires' technique, and oddly, it worked fine. This would turn out to be a recurring theme - the obstacles being the easiest part of the race, and the place where I was passing people. For this race, the obstacles were not the problem... they weren't really the solution either, but whatever.
After the tires? More uphill of course! And another quarter mile of climbing later, it flattened out for the next obstacle - 'Warrior Wall'. (a series of 3 walls, maybe 4 feet high to get over). Again, I made quick work of these obstacles. Most people were using a 'hands on top, hoop feet up to the side' technique. Good... but not fast enough for me! I basically threw my chest on the top of the wall sideways, and threw my legs over, trying not to hurt my jewels. (I even heard a couple people say 'ouch' while watching me, so it must've looked dangerous or something)
As I cleared the last wall, a couple guys near me were talking. One had a watch on. He said "7:30" was our time so far. I was trying to picture the map of the race course in my head... and the walls were about halfway up the hill, a little more than a half mile from the start. Can not explain how hard the uphill was.
And after the walls, it got a little steeper. I really wanted to 'jog' the whole way up. I wanted to have that accomplishment. And I might've been able to... technically. But it was such a slow jog that I was doing, that people were catching and passing me while walking. Once I justified that walking was potentially a faster route, I started to walk... although it was more of a hike or climb.
The incline started to settle down and get more realistic, so i knew we were close to the top, or highest point of the race course. That's where we hit the next obstacle - 'Tunnels of Terror'. Big drain tubes to crawl through. There were 5 or 6 tubes all next to each other, and I shot for the one that seemed like it had not been entered the most recently (did that sentence just make sense?). I was maybe 4 feet behind another guy... and someone got in the tube 4 feet behind me.
This tube was not 'hard' - it was basically crawling. But it was a little freaky. The tubes were much longer than I expected, maybe 30 feet long. And once you had someone ahead and behind you, it was dark. It was big enough to crawl comfortably, but small enough that you would not be able to turn around.Thankfully, the guy in front of me moved quickly, and didn't hold me up at all. I blew through it.
Side note: Another recurring theme, that on some of the obstacles, you had to wait. Safety only allows so many people in so much space and on so many obstacles. if you do an event like this, you have to know that it's a possibility. Thankfully, my 'race' did not include much waiting.
After the tubes, we went slightly uphill, and crested it. SO nice to start a little downhill! We were mostly running across the side of the mountain, but with a little downhill. Now if you've ever seen a ski resort, or even just a resort map, you can envision how this went - run across a ski trail, then run through the trees that divide the trails. This happened multiple times. (and technically is another obstacle - 'Black Forest')
About the 2nd or 3rd time we entered the trees, we see another "Obstacle Ahead" sign. In the middle of the trees is a... swamp? pond? Wet Dirt Hole? They call is "Slithering Swamp". I quickly noticed that even though the 'swamp' was 10-12 feet wide, people were going through it single file along the right hand side. Not wanting to slow down, I jumped in on the left hand side.
First, I made an error here by not diving in, and jumping in with my feet. The water was at least 4 and a half feet deep on the left side, and it would have made it much easier to swim through the obstacle. Second, the water was maybe 50 degrees, which about knocked the wind out of me by jumping in (instead of just following the single file line - the water was much shallower on their side).
I tried to swim across the obstacle, and got 3-4 strokes in before abandoning that strategy. The coldness, and dirtiness of the water got to my head, plus, swimming in shoes... not fun. I 'jogged' as fast as I could to to the other side, climbed up the ramp out of the water, threw up the devil horns for the camera guy, and was happy to get into the warm sun again.
(That's right, I rock)
At this point, the remainder of the race seemed to be on hyperspeed. Mostly because of the downhill runs. The downhills were even steeper than the uphill (mostly running down blue ski runs). Going fast wasn't the problem, staying in control and not falling was the issue.
And every 100-200 meters, you would take HARD turns (greater than 90 degrees), slightly uphill through the trees separating the ski runs. At minimum, we were 'off road running' over rocks, between trees, not really on much of a trail. But it was in these sections they would also throw in additional obstacles.
There was "Walk the Plank", where suddenly there was a 10 foot wide ditch with 4-5 boards across. The boards were 2x8's... not terribly difficult to keep your foot on, and the ditch was not horribly deep, so it wasn't scary. It was just a very quick change of pace and concentration. Again, thankfully, there was an open plank without anyone on it, and I was able to run across quickly without slowing up.
There was "Rip Van Winkle Way" - basically a wood bridge that was challenging for 2 reasons - first, it began with a steep incline (and at this point, every incline was brutal and frustrating and lead to many four letter words being said). Second, it wasn't very wide, so it made passing difficult. It was long, but really didn't go over anything other than the ground. It was basically like they paved the trail with wood for a section.
There was the 'Cargo Climb' - a large cargo net apparatus. Yes, it took a little coordination, but was not difficult. You had to climb a cargo net 10-12 feet up to the top. The top had a small platform about 3 feet long, then you climbed down the 10-12 feet of cargo net on the other side.
For me, this was another obstacle to pass people. I was fortunate there was not so many people on the net to slow me up, but also, at the top, I didn't stand up like the majority of people. Once I had my torso to the top, I rolled over to the other side (precious seconds) Flopped my legs over the far edge, and pretty much jumped (instead of climbing down like a ladder).
The final quarter mile of the race was possibly the most fun of all. Still blazing downhill, you come to the "Catskill Skid". Basically, a large downhill slip 'n' slide. Here, I had to stop and wait for people in front or me... maybe about 20 seconds. The slide was 20-25 yards long, and ended in a 'pool'. There were volunteers controlling 'traffic', but you still had to count on the guy in front of you getting out of the way in time, and hope whoever was behind you gave you enough time to get out.
Not a problem for me. But the there was someone a couple waves behind me who was pulled off this obstacle on a backboard... rumored to have a broken back. I have no clue what exactly happened, but they did have to shut the obstacle down for a little while. Honestly, it was the easiest obstacle on the course... but maybe the lesson is, there is a chance of injury at all times, and don't let your guard down, not even on the easy obstacles.
A hundred yards later was the "Warrior Roast", two rows of fire to leap over. Yes... fire. It was not outrageously high or difficult, although, the steepness of the terrain still kept it interesting. The fires were constantly kept going with Duraflame logs, and I can not for the life of me figure out why they are not an official sponsor of the race.
(I'm not blurry, I'm just moving that darn fast)
Another hundred yards and we're at the bottom of the hill, finish line in sight, with only "Muddy Mayhem" standing in the way. A long mud pit, maybe 18-24 inches deep, with barbed wire strewn across (so you have to crawl through it). The trick was to SLIDE into it... not DIVE (as one of my friends did. Gave himself a nice mild concussion, which meant no post-race beer drinking). I didn't have much of a strategy here other than "crawl fast". About 20 yards after exiting the pit, you were at the finish line.
(two 'devil horns with tongue out' pics in one race report... officially making it uncool)
Whew! It might have been more exhausting writing that than actually doing it. And like I said, that was only 1/12th of my time at the event. I could write for days about the people, costumes, planning and travel, and the many, many inside jokes to come out of the day.
(picture representing people, costumes, AND an inside joke)So if you have an opportunity to Warrior Dash, I suggest you do it. It's one of those things that you truly have to see and be part of to really 'get it' - like a tropical sunset, the first ski run in fresh powder, or touching your first boob... words, pictures, or movies just can't capture the moment like being there.
If you made it this far, I HIGHLY recommend checking out THIS blog, of someone I don't even know, who was at the event the same day as me, simply because they have AWESOME pictures. And check out THIS video from the course (taken on day 2) for some good visual of the obstacles, and THIS video is really good (to see the obstacles). He sped up the 'boring' parts (like walking uphill) and it's still 20 minutes long!
